Mama, what are your dreams for me, for you, and our family?

Dear Rosie,

This is a big question your papa posed! OK – what are my dreams for all of us?

Dreams for Rosie:

I remember writing about this when I was pregnant with you. And it was also something that I worked on spellcasting when I was pregnant – something I said almost everyday.

“I want a healthy, happy, peaceful baby.”

I dream for you to feel at peace. I have never had a peaceful spirit – I have always felt restless and ill at ease in the world. I have longed to know what it is to feel peaceful, and so this is perhaps my greatest wish and dream for you – that you go through life experiencing a peace of your spirit. Not always, of course – you’re human (I think; sometimes I wonder what kind of impish mystical creature you are, for you certainly aren’t a typical baby!) – but for that to be your home base, your place of return: a sense of peace and belonging in the world. I have a feeling that if your dad and I can figure it out, we’re going to live a life that involved lots of movement, travel, and adventure – and so I want you to have a sense of rootedness despite all the movement.

I also dream for you to feel proud and comfortable in your body and skin. I want you to feel comfortable being physical, exploring the world in a hearty way, enjoying your body and all the wonderful experiences being in a body has to offer. I know I spent a good deal of my life squeamish and squirmy in my own body, trying to tuck and prod and pluck and hide and cover and flatten and prop up and put away different parts of it. I didn’t go swimming – something I love dearly – for almost a decade because I was self conscious about body hair. What a loss. I don’t want you to miss out on life experiences because of your body – I dream that you will have wonderful experiences because of your body.

I dream that you will feel that your independence has been nourished, and that you also have a safe and loving home with us, your family, that you can always come back to; that your root system is nurtured and strong, and that you are capable and equipped to go out into the world and do in it what you are here to do.

Other things I dream for you? I hope that you will find love – both in friends, and in a partner. I get the sense that you might be a bit of an independent spirit, and so I hope that whatever shape this takes for you, it is one that makes you happy. I sense that it might be just a few close, fiercely loyal friendships that carry through your life, and that this will be all you need – but who knows, only time will tell! And I hope that you will be able to experience the love of a wonderful partner, with whom your soul and purpose can grow in ways it won’t on your own; I feel that this is the bond your father and I have, and I am so grateful for it, and I hope you will experience this with another person in your lifetime.

In terms of the course your life takes, I dream that you choose work that feels aligned with who you are, and that you feel supported by us, your parents, in experimenting and doing something unconventional – unless you desire to do something conventional, in which case I hope that we will be able to put aside our own desires and perspectives and support you in that, as well.  I hope you enjoy reading, as I do, because it has brought me insurmountable joy – but again, you are not me, so we shall see!

My other dream and hope is that while you experience your own life and independence, that we stay very close. My own relationship with my mother was so difficult, and so fraught, and never healed; it is my dream for us that our relationship is strong enough to withstand periods of inevitable distance and disagreement, but that you always feel my unconditional love, that you always feel me to be someone you can turn to for comfort and counsel without judgment or grudge-holding, and that we are able to enjoy one another in the various seasons of life. It hurts my heart to think of you living very far away when you grow up, even though I want you to have your own life – your father jokes that we will do like your grandparents did and just buy a house wherever you are, and while on the one hand I feel like that would infringe on your privacy, on the other hand it gives me great comfort to think that for the rest of my life, I can be near you. My gosh, just writing this is making me cry. I didn’t realize how emotional this would be for me. I guess it’s really hard to think of you being far away. You’re my little treasure, and I love to have you near me. Whew! Dry these tears.

 

My dreams for your father:

For you, my dear Kevin, I dream that you will know also a peacefulness of spirit. I hope that in the near future you will feel at home. A sense of homelessness has haunted you for as long as I have known you, and I want you to feel you are where you want to be. I know that our life in the United States feels wrong to you in many ways – that you feel you aren’t where you should be. I want, as your partner, to help you find your place in the world, and to be there with you as a family. I dream, also, that you will work through whatever walls and blockages  hold your spirit back, so that you can fulfill your purpose in this lifetime. From what I can see, these are self-doubt; self-reprobation; fear; insecurity; the dismantling and sorting out of values that come from others, and your own; a reconnecting with the divine and healing of spiritual wounds that came from a stringent and enforced religiosity that was out of step with your own spiritual nature and knowledge; and finally, an opening up of yourself to experience what it means to experience the full range of feelings – both embodied and emotional – that come along with being human. Throughout our relationship I have seen your heart unfurling and your emotions peeking out from the little cave they sought refuge in throughout your early life, when they were oft ignored or unacknowledged. And it is my dream that you will come to own and experience and feel your emotions, and enjoy them, and enjoy intimacy, and feel more whole and happy from it. I suppose my biggest dream for you is happiness, and contentment.

 

My dreams for me:

Wow. I don’t know where to start for myself!

I dream I will write a book. I dream I will have Bodhi, and perhaps another baby, I’m not sure. I dream I will remember what my purpose is and never lose sight of it again. I dream I will feel more comfortable in my own spiritual nature. I dream I will be a wonderful mother, both to my biological children and to other younger souls I am here to nurture. I dream I will make a major impact on the world and leave it better than I left it. I dream I will age gracefully. I dream I will heal the wounds from my difficult childhood so I can feel more free for the 2nd half of my life. I dream I will live abroad with my family. I dream I will step into my role as a healer. I dream I will feel peace and contentment. I dream I will experience physical health and wellness. I dream I will be at peace with animals, and cause no harm to them in my lifestyle and habits. I dream of a good, full, meaningful life.

Well, I suppose you can see some themes for what I dream for all of us – I hope that this answers papa’s questions, and I look forward to hearing his thoughts!

 

All my love,

Mama Justy

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We at Letters To Rosie create a more connected future for parents and children by starting the conversation...now. We send parents thought-provoking questions each week and, through their responses, allow them to present their rich inner selves to their children.